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| Photo by Jeff Norris |
The other day, as we were leaving a friends house, I noticed Mom could not walk down the stairs. She just could not figure out how to move her feet. I mentioned this to Dad that night. The next day, when they were walking downstairs to going into the basement, Mom herself told Dad she had forgotten how to walk down the stairs.
Mom started a new medicine a few weeks ago, and that could be what is causing the increased dementia. She has stopped taking that medication and we will see if she gets any better. We are going through what I posted about a while ago, the Medicine Dance.
But who knows if it really is just the medicine. None of what Mom is experiencing is unlikely for people with dementia. It is part of the disease. I guess I did not expect these changes to happen so quickly though.
Dad and I were remembering that it was only four years ago when Mom was diagnosed with minimal cognitive impairment. She was still driving, traveling a bit, cooking, her posture was straight, she had a sparkle in her eye, she could follow a conversation, dress herself, and play games with the grandkids.
Now, so much has changed. Mom can no longer take care of herself, cook, or travel. Her eyes have lost their sparkle and they have a distant foggy stare. All these changes are not easy to handle. It is humbling to dress your own mother. It is a shock every time you see, with blinding clarity, another thing your loved one is loosing. When you stand with them and realize they can not figure out how to pick up their foot to walk forward.
There are many horrible diseases out there in the world. Personally, watching Mom’s combination of dementia and Parkinson’s, which is probably Lewy Body Dementia, I think this disease is fairly scary and traumatizing. It is like your whole life with someone just ends. Everything we have goes away. All the memories, all the fun, even all the hard times; just gone. And it is not only the loss of mind. Along with losing her memories, Mom is losing her ability to walk, dress herself, read, and even hold a fork.
I know there are still many things we can do together and many ways in which our life is wonderful. Sometimes though, the changes get overwhelming and a bit scary. In those times, it helps to talk about it with other people. We need to name what is scary, name the reality of a situation. It seems far less scary when you say it out loud. Naming it helps us deal with it better. In the end, there is no cure, and all we can do is deal with the situation the way it is.
Blessings,
Rev. Katie
I am very sorry to hear that. Dementia is very difficult to work with. I say this based on my own personal experience, and I can completely relate with your sentiments.
ReplyDeleteLosing your memory gradually is terrifying. Not only do you understand fully what the loss will mean to your loved ones, you yourself also won't find it easy to accept what you're going through.
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I understand totally. My mom is now in a nursing home. Her memory started to go and then she would have very upsetting episodes. Accusing family members of things that never happened - not understanding what we tell her. Right now she is in the nursing home and very distant at times. Appearing upset/mad with certain family members about something she's created in her mind, wanting to go home although she can't take care of herself. She barely walks (unless w walker), can't dress herself, losing short term memory. It is so sad to see this happen. What a horrible disease!
ReplyDeleteThis is very touching......I have the early stages of dementia and am taking two medications to slow it down.....Peace to all.....Bob Carpenter...NYC
ReplyDeleteMy mother-in-law suffers from early stages of dementia 2 years ago and her memory has sometimes become selective. Her habit of accusing the domestic helper of stealing her possessions increased dramatically since then. She would forget when her last meal was and would sometimes make herself a whole bottle of instant coffee in a day which would take us a month to consume. Recently, she can't tell day from night and would address me (her son-in-law) as 'Uncle'. Patience is the word and having gone through with my past parents, the way to show love is to let them know that you care in spite of their sometimes erratic behavior. Professional care is equally important and she's on medication that slow down that process. In all, I'd rather look at her from a lighter side of life > her ignorance, innocence and dry humor can sometimes make an otherwise difficult day , a day to remember.
ReplyDeleteMy mother-in-law suffers from early stages of dementia 2 years ago and her memory has sometimes become selective. Her habit of accusing the domestic helper of stealing her possessions increased dramatically since then. She would forget when her last meal was and would sometimes make herself a whole bottle of instant coffee in a day which would take us a month to consume. Recently, she can't tell day from night and would address me (her son-in-law) as 'Uncle'. Patience is the word and having gone through with my past parents, the way to show love is to let them know that you care in spite of their sometimes erratic behavior. Professional care is equally important and she's on medication that slow down that process. In all, I'd rather look at her from a lighter side of life > her ignorance, innocence and dry humor can sometimes make an otherwise difficult day , a day to remember.
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